One Week in Complete Darkness

1. Was it completely dark the entire time?

Yes, it was entirely dark. There was no light. The room is designed to keep all light out, including having double doors for the entrance and food delivery windows.

2. Could you even see your hand in front of your face?

At times I thought I might be seeing my hand in front of my face and would play a game to see if I really was. Yet, as I walked around the room, and thought I could see objects in front of me, it became clear that my mind was trying to create some frame of reference for spacial awareness. Judging by walking into walls and shelves a couple of times, I have come to the realization that it was ignorance and I truly had no sight.

3. Did you eat?

Yes – two meals were delivered each day. Breakfast/lunch was delivered at 9:30am, and dinner was delivered at 4:30pm. This is how I had any semblance of “time” while I was in the darkness. The first meal usually consisted of oatmeal and a veggie lunch component, while the dinner meal consisted of a larger dinner portion of veggies and rice, noodles, or something similar. A thermos of herbal tea was delivered with each meal.

The meals were delicious and varied. They always managed to come up with something new for the lunch and dinner portions over the 12 full days I was there.

4. How did you go to the bathroom?

Yes, there was a compost toilet in the room. Frankly, it smelled less-than-stellar, and was the hardest part of the dark retreat experience for me. It was so bad on day 3 before I covered it with two blankets, that I was close to leaving simply because the smell was nearly unbearable (and I tend to have a high tolerance for these things).

5. Did you shower?

Yes, there was a shower in the room that you can see in my walkthrough video. I would usually work out to get my body temperature up before hopping in, because it was a cold shower while inside the dark room. Outside in the center, they had solar-heated warm water for showers available as well.

6. Were you scared or worried you’d go “crazy”?

I wasn’t at all. I had no expectations of what to expect. I read very little about others’ experiences and my main purpose was to go in, slow down, meditate deeply, completely let go of the story of “Neal” to find the one who lies beyond the body. Severin, the co-founder of the center who has been doing this for over a decade also states that dark retreats aren’t for everyone. It is not simply something to be sought out for a thrill or rush, but is an ancient hermetic practice that typically calls to an individual to help advance them on their path at the right time. You can watch the brief interview with Severin here, where he delves into this topic.

7. What did you do all day?

Simply put, I meditated and contemplated for hours a day. I worked out a little, ate my meals, wrote in my journal, and meditated multiple times throughout the day.

8. How did you know what time it was?

I didn’t really. I had a sense of time based on the food deliveries, as well as the birds chirping loudly in the morning to alert me that the sun was rising. Other than that, I genuinely stepped outside of time for a week.

9. Did you get bored?

Of course! At times, I certainly did, but I didn’t think it was that bad. I used much of my time to meditate, which I believe truly alleviated the deep feeling of boredom. Sometimes I would even walk in place if I was feeling that way to at least move my body and somatically come back into myself from any disassociated feelings with lights flashing or visions.

10. How did you write in the dark?

I put my left thumb on the margin of the line where I started writing. As I got to the edge of the page, I would move my thumb down a reasonable amount to create line spacing and begin writing again from there. Using this technique I seldom wrote over my own writing, and it was some of the neatest handwriting I ever saw for myself when I looked in the light!

11. Was there anyone else at the retreat center?

I was the only one there for the first two days. A mom (72) and her son (40) joined for a hybrid-solitary retreat the day before I went into darkness. When I came out, I met two others who were there for dark retreats. All in all, it was a very quiet time at the retreat center which was perfect for going into silence and introspection.

12. What was the hardest part?

The compost toilet smell… hands down. That was the only reason I was considering leaving on the third day. I gave them a bunch of tips on how they can improve it to completely seal in the smell, and they will likely be implementing it going forward to make sure that isn’t a distraction to others for future dark retreat-goers.

13. Did you ever want to give up?

The only time was when the smell was so bad after a few days that I was like, “wow, can I do another 3 days of this?” Ultimately, I covered the compost toilet with two blankets instead of one, and that seemed to do the trick as it blocked out 95% of the smell thereafter.

14. What did you take away?

Nothing… and simultaneously everything.. If nothing mattered and you could never fail, what would you do? You’d do what you love and live fearlessly. That is one of the biggest takeaways I’m walking away with, as well as the deep spiritual experiences mentioned earlier.